in a supermarket, in an open area
laden with fruit and booze
i thought malt came from the fields
and fruits from trees?
moved to a shipyard
where the sky was a funny navy blue
with few black sihoulettes of small ships

i embarked on a scary journey
by trading my life for 5 cents
stepped into a museum-like room
full of parallel-lined ceilings and pillars
lay on a bed with another girl and a child
fell on the forbidden wooden floor
and was taken away to somewhere
until now i cannot describe

i walked steadily, yet trembling and shivering
looking sideways consciously
but in the end, to focus on the door
at the end of the hallfway
the door behind which no one knew held what
for me
in history i never stepped past that door
i woke up in cold sweat
this time i braved the metal handle
with eyes shut so i could only see black

a hand guided me
i imagined it to be the hand of a witch
soft bones with smooth skin
i opened my eyes
and the melodious music began
two pretty twins holding each of my hands
dancing like no one was looking
then a gentleman cut in and took my left hand
i felt tremendously terrified
and danced along as hard as i could
to the beat of the song

a baby who held a silver string
i inserted colour beads in the string
each time he cried out loud
i assumed it was rejection
i tried a second time
he still resisted
they lay him in a dark room
with funny flashes
that funny navy blue sky!
i saw through the window
i caught sight of a left hand
it was dark-skinned
did i kill the baby
or contributed to its after-life?

ignoring the scene
i went back to one of the twins
only to find they weren't so alike after all
i think her name was Cordelia or something
then i tore away from my dream

a dream of crows and pigeons surrounding me
in the balcony, right in my old home
a particular crow refused to leave
even how hard i stomped my feet on the cold floor
and swiped my hands furiously
it refused to leave
crows, they represent disappointment in everything,
grief and misfortune.
worst, i grabbed the bird in my hand
and wringed his neck until it broke
his head terribly detached from its neck & body
only to find in it was the soul of someone
someone i endeared so much in the past
then the pigeons took graceful flight
was it their way of saying farewell to the crow
pigeons, my freedom from understanding?
news from the absent?
my grief, my freedom

as i swirl and swirl in the dark corridor
capture the flash-like images of a girl
in her pink tutu dancing
lace with glitter, collarbone protruding
hands over head, feet right on toes
black hair in a neat bun, face with a glum
when she hits that magical step
hear the sound of the glass piece cut into her big toe
as she straightens her back and smiles radiantly
hopping gracefully all the way across the hard floor
the momentum knocks
the head of the ballet shoes stains with crimson
save for the pink shoelaces that used to bound