Thank God for Papa and Mama by my side. Each time I need to go to a camp, I absolutely dread it because I hate bathing elsewhere besides my own house and I've to sleep on stinking floor people step on. When I have nightmares in the middle of the night, one wail will get Papa running into my room and I can stretch my arms out to hug him. Mummy always seems indifferent to the things I do and always reprimands me - from my messy room to the plates in the sink to the clothes that I buy. But Mummy knows I'm a bread queen and buys puffs and cakes whenever she can so I'll be happy munching flour away. Yeah, maybe my parents unknowingly tricked me into being a princess, one with a pretty facade but ugly inside, but I still give thanks to paps and ma for being the me that I am.


Thank God for Pocky and Pipo by my side. I'm sorry all the other little ones went to the other world last year, but because you furry ones are in my house, which is a humble abode of Christ; in my tender loving care plus my parents' love, you're still reaping the good sunflower seeds from Japan and fresh boiled water everyday. Perhaps death creeps in slowly, like a shroud hovering over those whose time is approaching, because you both are always in a deep sleep even during your naps. Till you scare me to tears and I have to peer closely to see if the hearts are still moving. That's how precious both of you are in my eyes, and in God's hands I put your lives in.


Thank God for Adele, my one and only sister. She's the best sister in the whole world! She always think of me when she goes abroad, and buys girly stuff like Barbie dvds and Blythe merchandise to brighten my sulky day up! I really hope she will have a blissful marriage and start a family soon! I really want to have a niece or nephew I can dote on and buy toys for!


Thank God for Ah Boy, Ah Girl and their babies - Lion, Smartie, Thumbelina & Chirpy. And my pretty winter princess Snowy!

Darling, perhaps you think I make much of a poet, but I think I'm more of a criminal. And you never took any chances when it came to hurting me. Now I say: love it or leave it you can't understand. A pretty face but do so carry on. I wouldn't front the scene even if you paid me. I'm just the way God and the doctors made me. So long for now.

Love is the red the rose on your coffin door. I always wonder; what's life like bleeding on the floor? You'll never make me leave because I wear your love on my sleeve. All the time.

Please give me a reason to believe, so gimme all your poison and all your pills. Bestow all your hopeless hearts and make me ill. You're running after something that you'll never kill. Yet if this is what you want then fire at will. Preach all you want and I know no one is gonna save me.

I keep a gun on the book you gave me. Say my last prayers, then lock and load. Black is the kiss the touch of Jack the Ripper. It ain't the mark or the scar that makes you one. Thank you for the venom.

Fire at will, aim at my head, my heart, my knees. Then place the roses under my tombstone.

Adapted from 'Vampires will Never Hurt You' by My Chemical Romance


If the vampires get me and the sun goes down into the ground
If they get me take this spike to my heart and
Put the spike in my heart


When the sun comes up
Will it tear the skin right off our bones
And then as razor sharp white teeth rip out our necks
I saw you there
Someone get me to the doctor, get me to a church


Where they can pump this venom gaping hole
You must keep your soul like a secret in your throat
If they come and get me
Put the spike in my heart
If they get me and the sun goes down
Take the spike and stab me


Will it fill our hearts with thoughts of endless night time sky?
Will it wash away this jet black feeling?
And now the nightclub set the stage
For this they come in pairs she said
We'll shoot back holy water like cheap whiskey they're always there
Get me to the doctor, and someone call the nurse
Buy me a bouquet of red roses
I see the church is burned
We're hanging out with corpses, we're driving in this hearse
Save my soul tonight, please save my soul


As these days watch over time
As these days watch over us tonight
I'll never let them hurt you now tonight
I'll never let them, I can't forget them
'll never let them hurt you, I promise
Struck down, before our prime,
Before you got off the floor
Can you stake my heart
Stake me before the sun goes down

So sick >> Ne-yo

Gotta change my answering machine
Now that Im alone
Cuz right now it says that we can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore
Let's re-live your love
It's been months and for some reason
I just can't get over us
And Im stronger than this
Ain't nothing can talk
No more walkin round with my head down
Im so over being due, crying over you


I'm so sick of love songs, so tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said Im so sick of love songs, so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio


Gotta fix that calendar I have,that's marked September 29th
Because since there's no more you, there's no more anniversary
Im so fed up with my thoughts of you, and your memory
And how every song reminds me of what used to be
That's the reason


Oh leave me alone
Stupid love song don't make me think about his smile
Or having my first child
And let it go, turning off the radio


Adapted lyrics into my own thoughts. Why is it that we have not reached the end of the burning bridge, but I already feel like singing this song.

after a decade of waiting
he picks up his violin
with each swipe he speaks of
her sweetness and vulnerability
with each forceful stroke
he feels the torment of
two star-crossed lovers
and another man pines for a love
meant to be in this lifetime

those black, thick eyebrows
tell of his role as a warrior in her life
from every predicament
he always rides in time
to save the day and embrace the little ones
but his small eyes tell a sad story
giving up his princess to a prince
not greater than him because of riches
but because the queen-to-be sees
only warmth in the prince

when the princess falls prey
to a disastrous physical phenomenon
the prince is fighting war in another land
oblivious to the real struggle
his heart is about to face
the horse gallops and the knight returns
to attempt at saving the princess

the princess climbs high and tall
to place the wishing star on the tree
but she falls with tears in her eyes
the prince and knight both catch her body

alast, death waits the princess
nothing can be done now
true love can move the Grim
but it will not move Heaven's will

even now, as i tread away
my steps are heavy
uncheerful, unready
as logic fuse with the heart
i am, as ever, as always
skeptical, constantly
wavering about my own decision

i still love him
and i always yearn for a miracle
another scene steps in
the accumulated hurt and conflict
will be ever-present
to crush whatever goodness there is

give him back to me
i want to be happy.

a friend once told me, that a relationship can make you realise the worst part of yourself. this is so true. as humans, we tend to remember negativities almost forever, but look toward the positivities only for a moment. We tend to regard our actions as the most righteous and appropriate, and others' as ignorant and unnecessary.

Anyone is capable of turning something from black to white, and vice versa. There will never be an absoulte balance of yin and yang, just like how much time we spend with our family and how much time we spend at work. Certain things belong to a definite category, but sometimes I also make the mistake of attempting to justify my wrong-doings through irrational reasoning.

A lot of times, we only hold on to the filthy scenes of everyday life. If someone sleeps around, he or she must be indecent and an outright slut (or maniac). If someone steals, he is assumed to have not been brought up properly and deserve to be whacked by the authorities, no matter the reason behind such criminal actions.

What if we look through another scope of perspective, and ponder over a single word - "Why?'.
Is he just craving to satisfy his lusts for the female anatomy or is she feeling unloved in a world of deception? Does the little boy have enough bread on the table at home or is that merely a desperate streak to get what he needs?

A lie is a lie, no doubt about it, be it a white or grey lie. I found myself repeatedly posing this question to myself: can anyone ever justify a lie? people lie for many reasons, but there is one thing in common - they don't want to let people know their true self, their true intentions. To some extent, I agree it's a bit cunning and hurtful.

My grandmother was diagnosed with throat cancer. Few days later, my 33 year-old auntie had passed away, 1 week after the doctor diagnosed her with lung cancer. 1 week later, a distant relative of our family passed away of old age. My uncles decided to hide these bad news from my grandmother, in fear it would aggravate her condition. They didn't even want to bring her to the funerals. Be it hiding the truth or telling something that is not, that is a lie to me. Can we blame those who lie to avoid hurting their loved ones?

In the end, they related the news to my grandmother. A few months later, she passed on. 3 deaths within a year in the family. perhaps, the news did not directly contribute to her passing, but it is impossible to be sure that it did not affect her well-being.

Because we know what will happen and we seek to circumvent what will hurt everyone, we do not speak the truth all the time. We don't blame the party being lied to, we just want to remain in our comfort zone.

A unforgiving raining night
standing behind the glass window
trying hard not to think of you
but the memory creeps in softly
i remember the nights
you came with an umbrella to fetch me home

the sky is pitch dark
night fall has passed long ago
i'm left to close the shop
at the corner of my eye
i see the past replay
you would light a cigarette
smoking while leaning against the wall
your knitted eyebrows conveyed your helpless
in not knowing how to appease
the wildchild side of me

i didn't realise how much you loved me
until you lost all faith in our love
it's all in the past
i've come to understand
the raincoat and umbrella
will no longer provide a refuge for my hurt
now it's too late
because i won't be the recipient of
your sweet love letters and cards anymore

___________________________________________________________________

after a long time
the rain has stopped
drenched inside out
the unfeeling weather
only chills my blood
i need not run from the rain anymore

it's way past closing hours
returning home is a thought far away
at this late hour i can only ride a taxi
why do i think of motorbikes
but i only see the pillion burning in flames

now it's too late
because i won't be the recipient of
your long phone messages anymore


walking on the damp red-brick pavement
forcing back the hot tears in the socket
pretending in front of all the passer-bys
struggling with the shame of crying out
it's really hard to act like i'm okay
i'll just walk by foot, all the way home myself
the time i should be reaching home safely
matter to you no more, i know

now it's too late
and i'm sorry i grew up too slow
time took its chance with me
and whatever i did
contributed to the loss we both feel now
i'm sorry
for the love you wasted on me.



to you-know-who:

this is my translation of a song I always listen to. we sang it together before. it perfectly describes the feelings i have these recent months. i didnt' sing it well in front of you; or perhaps you were too distracted to listen to my heart screaming out - so now i pen them down. for you.

love, athena

I'm ill, I'm feeble
Cos I am down
With the fatigue syndrome

I cannot even count with my bare hands
For the times I've waited
Has stretched beyond what I can count
Disillusionment of giving so many shots
At something I'm still hoping to achieve

Dragged down with worry
I feel the toll of age and time
To say I'm only nineteen
Seems a big lie to the world

To wait for someone is a good thing
Because you can give love
And expect love in return
What a manipulative deception
I've only found perplexity
And some anger burns within

In the end I walked so far
My feet, weary with grime and dirt
Just to hear repeated excuses of
Oversleeping and poor time management
Not even a message of reassurance
To give me a glimpse of hope

Do you know,
A little initiative can mitigate
The anger and hurt inside
So many times
So long
So little left to sacrifice, now

I'm walking away now, I really am. I wish I could say I tried my best and at least something good came out of it. I'm defeated, and somewhat abhorred. I demand the old me back, I yearn for a more beautiful sunrise, because I'm prepared to give life up.