Ah!! I finally got some collar bone!!



















I like this shot. Shows a very different look of me. By the way, if you look very very closely, I'm wearing a yellow tube, I AM NOT IN THE NUDE I REPEAT I AM NOT IN THE NUDE IM NOT SO SICK!


















My arms are still huge. OMG.

It was Natalie's 15th birthday on Saturday!! When I was 13, I told my mother I wished badly for Natalie to grow up so I could see how she would grow to be like. Now that I'm 20, I wish for the day I can see her turn into a real lady. It's amazing how I watched her grow up from a chubby baby into a energetic youth now! In a few years my wish will come true!























The birthday girl!! A bit nervous with all the crowd looking at her, singing the birthday song and urging her to make a wish!


















I made Natalie take a picture with my Daddy. My Daddy always call her 'NataNIE' and my uncle is the most irritated! So my uncle called me 'Antenna' at one period of time to "get back" hahahahahahahaha!! Of course, both father have ended this comical war!


















And I made Nat take another picture with Alton! Eh, you must be thinking, I'm so mean hor, make every1 take pictures here and there. But, without me, where can you ever look back down memory lane and think 'Oh, this is how you look like when you were 15! Oh, this is how I looked like when I was 45, and now I have so much wrinkles; thank God Athena took this picture! Oh, I dun understand how we could fight so much last time and be really close cousins now! BLAH BLAH BLAH LAH. '

Nat and Alton have a river separating them. They won't talk to each other much, and our parents all have to persuade these 2 just to take a decent photograph. Hrumph. I'm sure it's the puberty stage that is causing the awkwardness. Once again, in a few years' time, I STRONGLY BELIEVE, this will change and they'll be close cousins lalalalalala.



















Now the camera lady takes a break! Uncle Ronnie takes a picture of his son and me! Alton look so sian!! Take picture with me very boring mehz! I'm the most fun of all your cousins lei!! ..........
Crap I look fat la. Lousy shot.


















This is Natalie's father, which is also my mother's younger brother. MY FATHER is on the right!! He was eating when I took this shot.


















I made Natalie re-take this picture 3 times! And I'm still not satisfied. After zooming in, I realise my eyes were swollen and they were almost half-closed! I still thought that I had blinked that's why the shots all turned out lousy. Stupid eyes! And I think I look like my mother in this picture....ARRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Don't like to look auntie!!

















MY MUMMY and my auntie, who is my Mummy's younger sister. They look alike, don't they?
They are the only girls in the family you know hehehehehehehe

















My Daddy. Will always be the most handsome man in the universe to me. I am what I am today because of Mummy and Papa. But Daddy can be more handsome if he dyes his hair black again! Some retarded idiot told my Dad a man will look good with all white hair so my Dad stopped dying his hair. I told Daddy that freak was jealous of his good looks and he should not believe what the guy said. COME ON! WON'T YOUR OWN DAUGHTER KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU!!


Anyways, loves to my family.

Jie had a housewarming on Saturday!! It was also a gathering for all the relatives, from my mum's side and my bro-in-law's side.




















Stupid digi camera was so sensitive to shakes - that's why the photo turned out to be blurred. My N70 is still better!! Clear and crisp.


















Audrey, Natalie, Alton, Me, Kai Kai



















See! I told you the camera is fcuking lousy! My uncle's hands were not very still while taking these shots ah. Alton is too spastic when taking photos la!! Never smile de. You know why he appeared to be standing in front of all of us? Cos' he wanted the camera to capture the uglee looking metal chain hanging from his jeans! He told my uncle it is cool. DIAO.

I walked by your side, for a very long time
My eyes were filled with tears, you didn't even notice
Hearing you talk about your new life
I am still enthralled by the smile on your face
This familiar road, still is the same
Everytime I pass by, it's still pretty spring
Thinking about the wonderful past we share
The tears come rushing to my face

I turn my head, so you wouldn't see my sadness
But the dark shadow within is becoming visible
After today
Let's not meet anymore
Because I'm scared I'll wake up
And find that I'm still thinking of you everyday


I'm sorry, I cannot bring myself to continue penning this entry anymore.

The unforgiving sun rays shine right into my eyes, but my eyes are still tightly shut; for it is only this way I can remain calm. I look to the other side of the bed, and saw the reflection on my spectacles. There was still an image of you silently kissing me on my cheek, because you would always remove my glasses for me when I fell asleep on the bed.

Even if I have woken up, I refuse to open my eyes. I'm afraid that when the tears come, they'll swallow all my feelings up. I thought that when we made that promise to each other, I would hear the blissful blessings from our friends. Time didn't let me wait for the time to be with you, to be in your loving arms, so that we could count the bright shining stars in the night sky together. But you already left me, and love does not perservere. Actually I wasn't your only one.

I shut my eyes once again, and take a deep breath. I don't want to think about you in the Night. Little did I expect to see you in the Day, in the arms of another. A drop of tears coursed down my cheek, and I couldn't breathe for a moment, for I am unable to accept such an ending to a beautiful story. There was a time we could talk about everything under the sky, from nigh till dawn.

Now, we can do nothing about love.

Introducing my BGS group mates! Left 2 Right: Amrita, Vaibhav, Me, Yeow Keng, Michele, Wee Jiang

























And another one! Why are we not looking at the camera? That's because we are looking at another one instead! Prof had just bought a new camera and made everyone stand in their groups holding our name tags: everyone was a happy criminal waiting to enter jail.



















And this is me!! Finally.

Like a broken string, vanishing into a sea of people, my eyes, the windows to one's soul, finally lost its memory of your face. I hang on for a moment, standing by, in hope of a shooting star to appear. I wish, if my wish could come true, that love would last eternally. Perhaps tomorrow does not grant enough time for change, but the yesterday we'd walked through together, is making its distance from my memory.

Tears of the Polaris, I cannot bring myself to say those words of pining. I realise, we live in two different worlds. Your eyes are red from crying, and promises drenched with tears have already beeen buried in the heart. I look up, only to find love has gone to another sky, and the whole universe starts to weep....

I thought I would look forward to it. But I was filled with apprehension. At the end of the day, I realise, I wasn't as happy as I expected myself to be.

Is it because as time passes, memories fade and everything once beautiful does not bask in the same radiance anymore? Zech told me feelings are feelings; feelings will go away. I guess, I'm there already. With so much hurt and rejection, how can the same good feelings still reside in my heart?

I walk on now, half-heartedly, as if I've been immune to betrayal and lies. But I see a brighter light at the end of the path my feet is on.

Happy Birthday to Jie Jie!! Sorry can't devulge her age cos women are especially sensitive to numbers! My wish for her is to give birth to a cutie baby soon so I can be a doting auntie and fairy godmother hahahahahahahahaha!





























Just for you Jie Jie. Thanks for being my elder sister, for being in my life, for always being there to cry and laugh with your little naughty sister.



We went to Shingthai Palace at Bras Basah to celebrate Jie's birthday!! Pretty authentic Thai food. As usual, I was the photo-whore and I turned my sister into one as well. My mother was super irritated though. I was maximising the worth of my handphone while Ken kept urging me to take pictures with his new N73 instead! No go because it's not user-friendly and I'm loyal to my cell phone!

Mummy didn't bother to smile for the camera. She was very, very annoyed by my constant photo-whoring. But we only get to be young for a little while, shouldn't we capture these beautiful moments? Ok I know my face is very big but I can't help it if God gives me huge cheekbones! Do you really think my mummy resembles me?? Or the other way round?? Alamakz.















Ken is scrutinizing the menu and Jie looks bored. Because Ken kept fiddling with his stupid new phone! So annoying. A phone is NOT cool if it gets sent to the service centre twice a week after purchase. Never mind I'm going to get my very adorable HOT PINK Sony Ericsson z610i after exams.

























Once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIE JIE!! We love you!

Pris called me up in the afternoon and asked if we could meet at night. Was absolutely delighted cos I haven't been catching up with this uber busy woman. She's a valuable employee of SSC, dedicated, committed, working late into the night and even on weekends. Corporations, please grab this school valedictorian fast!!

Pris was craving for the spicy salmon sushi at Sakae Sushi, and I was first to arrive. The 2 ladies were late!! AHHHHHH. As usual I'm always the one earliest and waiting la! $#@*% So we didn't have to wait very long before we had a table (servant me....)

Pris started her 'come-hither' moments with green peas; Bern and I was flabbergasted. There was more to come in the later part. I don't know what the hell the Standard Chartered Marathon 2006 did to her brain.




























Peanuts and Pris never fail to amuse me with their endless tactics of teasing one another. Of course I must be the fabulous photographer to capture these moments! Even when Peanuts is on the brink of death with a blunt knife pointing at her, she still looks damn happy. And even when Peanuts is strangling Pris, Pris is sticking out her tongue gleefully.

Pris did a good job of smiling such that Peanuts was appalled and ready to puke anytime. These 2 ladies are my most sincere entertainers. Sorry ah, they belong to me, no show requests hor.



























Bern is apt at pulling retarded faces. So is Pris. Just like how she attempts to use the stupid fork to attack the camera (I was so scared.....)

Peanuts and Pris say I can't do silly faces for nuts. I tried really hard, but I only ended up looking super vulgar. Sigh. So they suggested doing something with the salt on the table. I did an annoyed face, but I don't really understand why I should be irritated with seasoning.































Announcement: The 3Ps are truly pretty, poofed and photo-whores. Pretty is part of a subjectivist theory you might argue, but haven't you heard the opposition story that ALL things are beautiful and it's only that people have different ability to recognise beauty?? Poofed cos we're always doing stupid things la, as you can see from all the pictures on my blog. But I think I'm the one who made my folks photo-whores lei. Cos I'm usually the photographer. Well I don't own a camera phone for nothing right! And I ain't rich enough to afford a decent digital camera!

"Drowning Lessons"

Without a sound I took her down and dressed in red and blue
I squeezed the imaginary wedding gown
That you can't wear in front of me
A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell
As rice grains and roses fall at your feet
Lets say goodbye, the hundredth time
And then tomorrow we'll do it again

I dragged her down I put her out
And back there I left her where no one could see
And lifeless cold into this well
I stared as this moment was held for me

I never thought it'd be this way
Just me and you, we're here alone
And if you stay, all I'm asking for is
A thousand bodies piled up
I never thought would be enough
To show you just what I've been thinking
And I'll keep on making more
Just to prove that I adore
Every inch of sanity

All I'm asking for is, all I'm asking for is
These hands stained red
From the times that I've killed you and then
We can wash down this engagement ring
With poison and kerosene
We'll laugh as we die
And we'll celebrate the end of things
With cheap champagne

Without, without a sound
And I wish you away
Without a sound
And I wish you away
Without a sound, without a sound
And I wish you away

I had a terrible vision. Why is it that only in silence then the vision strikes me? I saw myself, in a white balloon dress, the one Papa had bought for me so I could be a princess in my own world. My hair was jet black, curled, and I was wearing my favourite pearl necklace. With a grim face, I saw myself, sitting on the ledge, shaking my legs restlessly, shifting, then falling from the 13th floor of the block I stay in. I wasn't wearing any shoes. The moment my body hit the ground, I entered a sleep that nobody could ever wake me up from.

What happened? Why did it seem so real to me, as if I have done it before?

For the picture above represents the many folds of hurts, many untidy stitches inside me, and the heart is broken so badly nobody could mend it well.

Tues, 14th Nov 2006
I was extremely nervous during my AS debate. The motion was 'Religious tolerance is better than freedom of speech.' Damned topic, seriously. Cos it's so boring. Other groups had topics about setting up a condom vending machine in school which would be so much more interesting! Anyways. This was the first time I was shaking so badly during a presentation. I had to memorize my bloody 5 min script, say it out to the audience as natural as possible, while varying my pitches and tones so as to appear aggressive. Several times I forgot my lines, paused, looked at my cue cards, and 'flipped', cos my cue cards didn't include the exact sentence I needed to say at that point of time. Nevertheless, I got through the damned debate and learned more about the importance of religious tolerance!! Those bloody terrorists - it's their fault for everything bad in the world today.

Was totally relieved after that, and met Jade for dinner. Went to Aerin's to eat. She had grilled chicken and I had some apple crumble with vanilla bean ice-cream. For the price you pay, the food's not too worth it. Ambience is great though. It's amazing how both of us are still in contact after 6 years. I knew her when she was in secondary 1, with red hair, short skirt and high socks. You would just laugh knowing how we looked then. I could remember myself with gold rimmed spectacles, short hair, long skirt, high socks with the classic red lined U.S. Master school shoes. Hilarious! And we all look so different now, speak different now, and think different now.

Time changes one, doesn't it? From gossiping about classmates, hanging out at heartland malls after school, chatting in the playground at midnight, bummin around at Jade's place, taking neoprints in town, being teased by Ming and James, sharing ice-cream and messing the restaurant's table up, we have evolved to young adults, seriously thinking about family, school and money. That should be good right? But somehow I feel an invisible distance has grown between Jade and I, and I feel sad. So long she's in my heart, everything's going to be alright.

I returned home and saw a huge bag of necklace on my bed! Jie had returned from Shanghai and bought about 9 necklaces for me! Was so delighted; the necklaces were all so pretty, flower brooches, pearls, gold chains, codurory straps, ribbons and many unique beads! Had a headache about where to put them though cos I had losta, losta necklaces all over my room already. Jie also bought a pair of ivory shoes for me, fit me too perfectly, a little too tight for 100% comfort. When my bloody toe recovers, I'll wear them out.



Sun, 12th Nov 2006
Speaking about my toe, I carelessly walked into a mirror on the floor in my room on Sunday (my birthday). It was the 50th time I had walked into that mirror, and after each time I would yell and grab my last toe tightly to ease the pain. But the 50th time, on my 20th birthday, was DIFFERENT. When I grabbed my toe, my palms were laced with blood. AHHHHHHHHH!!!
But I still left the house, dragging my left feet and walking the entire day. I didn't know the wound was that bad, till it started hurting a little more than I thought it should.

Wed, 15th Nov 2006
Had MA lessons in the morning. Prof gave me a pen for being in the 1st quarter of the class! How nice of her to encourage her students before the exams! I will do my best, Prof!! Prof passed the test papers to a dumbo guy to distribute to the class, and I was so unlucky that he came to my table and asked me to help him give them out cos he weren't sure of the names of our classmates. No, I was not unlucky cos he asked me. It was because while distributing the test papers to my classmates, my injured last toe accidentally hit the leg of a random chair in the seminar room. The chairs are the cushioned ones with roller wheels. DAMN FUGGING PAIN!! And that morning I was still contemplating if I should wear shoes to school instead. I worn my papillios instead. Just damn sueh can. Not enough, I didn't realise my toe was bleeding until I felt a lot more pain rushing to my feet. Was whining in pain to Ru for the rest of the lesson.

So I say it's that dumbo guy's fault lor. And I had to go the school's clinic to get medicine. The doctor says if it doesn't recover a week later, he might have to remove my toe nail! WTF. I went through that last year ON MY BIRTHDAY, no way you're going to take my nail out from the VERY SAME foot again la! Whats more I don't like to wear slipper de. Why am I so sueh for consecutive 2 birthdays?? Only this time the accident was due to my careless strutting around in MY bedroom. Stupid me larz!

My last toe nail is soaked with dried blood, and it hurts so pain even if it is in slight contact with anything. MY PRETTY SHOES!!! Can't wear my pretty shoes for the time being. My wardrobe is not customized for papillios and beaded slippers. NB.



Thurs, 16th Nov 2006
Spent the entire day at home. Was supposed to meet Per and Zech for a movie but I was too lazy to travel to town cos I have to go school tomorrow. I watched 3 episodes of 'Wei Xiao PASTA' from 4am - 7am! It's a typical love story plot where a girl commoner meets guy rock star on the street, commoner accidentally gets entangled in media frenzy for accidentally being seen with the rock star, and both of them gradually falls in love. Cyndi acts as the commner, and Malaysia's Zhang Dong Liang is the rock star. They don't seem too compatible. Cyndi's the typical Taiwanese girl la, skinny, cutesy actions, sai nai voice and dolly with loads of mascara. Zhang Dong Liang has a strong boyish charm, reserved and pleasant - NOT IN SYNC with rock star's image. Anyway since I don't feel like studying I might as well spend my time watching this ou xiang ju.

Jie bought me 'Full House' DVD! Aiyo, like that how to study for exams??????