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my grandma's cortege II
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
That evening, I received news that my uncle had arrived in Singapore and visited grandma. The doctor then removed the drip from her and told us to be mentally prepared she will pass on in 4 to 5 hours' time. The next morning I woke up, my mum left a note saying that grandma had passed away at 4.00am. I wasn't very shocked, because we all anticipated this, felt sad for her passing but at the same time I felt it was a relief for her, to be free from wordly pain and diseases. On Saturday, the fourth day of the funeral, I took part in the last stage of the chanting rituals. My grandma was a Buddhist.My mum had warned me not to take any joss sticks as I had a belief (Christianity). My cousin then passed me a joss stick. I felt guilty, but decided it was just holding an incense stick and I was doing it purely for the sake of my grandmother. I listened attentively to the monks' chanting for a while. I wondered what were they actually saying. That my grandma will rest in peace and not return to the human world? Then she will be reincarnated in her next life? That no one will hurt her in the netherworld?We walked around the coffin, with the men in front and women following at the back, in a circle. I totally don't like this "zhong nan qing nu" tradition. Can't girls been seen as important if they do love their elders more than the men? My sister was angry with me for holding the joss stick. She accused me of not standing up for my belief and could have passed the incense to someone else. Then I started to think. I've backslided for several years and counting. Was my faith not strong enough, or I didn't take religion seriously? Whatever it is, I saw it as my duty and initiative to 'send' my grandma off. The following day was the day of the cremation. On an early Sunday morning, everyone was dressed in white shirts and black/blue pants. While in mourning, the Chinese cannot wear anything in bright colours (orange, red, yellow), including clothes, shoes, earrings, necklaces, watches etc. This is taboo as there is a belief that such bright tones will 'flash' or 'block' out the spirit. Everyone related to the person who has passed away has to wear a small piece of cloth on his/her right sleeve. The cloth has different colours. Brown is for the deceased's sons and grandsons, dark blue is for the daughters and granddaughters. Red with white is for further relations. We also had to wear white socks (without any shoes) when the ceremony started, 'walking' behind the cortege (the van carrying the coffin) out to the main road. As all of us walked, the Buddhist music played on from the cortege. Grandma's oldest son, Uncle Randy, was holding a paper lantern and at the head of the crowd. The atmosphere was extremely solemn, and my 14 year old cousin kept shedding tears. I felt my face and eyes starting to swell, and I soon started to cry for grandma. In all devotion and respect, we walked on the hard tar road with just socks for protection, and hands faithfully clasped in prayer style, accompanying dearest grandma.
it's Tuesday, March 08, 2005 now