so easy for me to tell 'em
move on with life, don't look back,
cos all will go well with
the passing of time
yet like the abstract vocabulary
paradox
i know i'm executing it
every sunrise, every sunset
so hard for me to push this word
this irony
out of my damned dictionary.

for every lover, memoirs go a long distance
possibly even right up into the future
and for a selfish individual like me
emotional baggage toils the hunched
and levers down all confidence
to see him happy in love
burns a certain part of me
yet i fully comprehend
it was my decision to walk away
bruising hearts & egos

like a knife pushing deeper
into a bloody raw wound
in another farway surreal place
i wish for their happiness and bliss
and i dread myself for being
such a spiteful wretch
unable to be decisive for
her own life

teach me how to let go of the past
now as it swallows me almost whole
white curtains and metal carts
coloured tablets and syringes
may be a distant memory
but close enough to haunt me
teach me to the meaning of
contentment
because i now hold him
the closest in my heart
perhaps he lacks proximity
to my inner mind
but that's cos no one has been
permitted to enter there

love
a disasterous word
to me
to others
but everything has its beautiful moments
and i thank each and every of him
for making my life very special.