In the new chapter

I've got to get used to so many things
Things not in my life anymore
Love not in my heart like the past

I've great doubts about my slumber
As it has always been habitual to
Look through our photographs
Love's messages dating back to late last year
I'm still practising this
Every night without fail
But this time is different
I don't fall asleep easily anymore

Nearly every song I listen to
Happy or Sad
Make me wanna cry
Love not in my heart like the past
After a decade I'll still be this way

Used to doll-up for love
Wanted to be prep and pretty
Keeps the flame going
Cos' the other half knows you care
So you splurge on make-up, garb, shoes and what not.

Nearly every part of my wardrobe
Retains a memory of love
Seen only three-quarters of my stuff
Been out with him in this and that
Wore this necklace or earring
Love usually complimented me
Or he'll play a part in giving in
to his princess' wants
So how can I not think of love
Whatever I do, whenever I go,
even down to whatever I wear

Now I dress for myself. It's a silent lament
Because no meaning is inherent anymore
And I don't give a darn if I look haggard
No amount of concealer can hide my hurt away

Each time the phone sounds
I secretly wish it's a particular number
Since love is not in his heart like before
I'm always disappointed
Sometimes I accept this is fate
Yet reading his old messages
Over and over again like
a philosophy book
I don't think I've gotten used to this new reality

When I walk down the stairs to my home
The past replays with a tormenting tune
Hide-and-seek and we would
only say goodbye at least 10 minutes later
Then I would stand from my level
And wave frantically to you downstairs
at the car-park
Feel sad when you disappear from view
Now, you've really gone far beyond
What I can see

Love's warm hands
Shall never be mine to hold again
His secure arms and shoulders
I cannnot fall back on anymore
Eyes turned stone-cold
I don't dare to look into
I see love's pain and grudge

I was afraid; I walked away.

The wallpaper on my phone
Has always been love and me
But I do not see the same for his;
Perhaps I wasn't precedence over
certain things in his life
I deleted all the happy self-portaits of me
I don't believe in being happy anymore

No medicine to save me
Friends who cry with me
I'm contented
When I'm scared, I wait for God to ease the pain.

For now, the pain is still eating me up. I've got to get used to so many things, things not in my life anymore, love not in my heart like the past.