I snapped. Snapped in front of people I didn't know. Didn't happened before. I don't know what I'm going to do anymore. The wounds are taking too long to heal; the scars are still attempting to form, and my life is shortened by intense anatongism.

Thank you Ru. I would never have made it out of that room if not for you. Because I still love him, I will not force him to choose between her and me. I will let go; if he comes back to me he is mine. If not, I'll bow out of this love triangle humbly and strive to neutralize all the bitterness I will have.

Even then, hope is weak, almost non-existent. He has already gone to the arms of another, and a year of loving has appeared to be nothing to his very icy cold heart.

Why eat, when the heart is empty and the meaning of life has disappeared? Why smile, when betrayal has killed any good memories left? Why put on a brave front, when the inside is really weak and hurting? And, tell me, why live, when you know their happiness is at the expense of your well-being?

Because the Holy Father is watching over me silently. Because Mummy felt my forehead for signs of fever and showed concern for my eating. Because Daddy was so close to tears seeing me cry like that. Because Jie cried for my loneliness and misery. And because I felt the hearts of my loved ones wrenched with every sob they heard, and yet tenaciously gave me their support for whatever decision I wanted to make.

I need your plan for me, Lord. There is no light in front of me, and I'm sinking fast into the deadly quicksand.