Sorry for not being able to update, haven't got the mood or time to update since last Friday. Anyways, I'm down with a swollen left eye - doctor calls the skin infection on my eyelid a 'siss'. Or at least that's what I think it is spelled. Great. Another pain button on my body. That brings the number to a new high of 5. FIVE.

Last Friday, I was outrageously thrown into an emotional turmoil and dunked into the deep blue sea to sink. Whatever problems I have caused you, I am sorry about it, I am apologetic, and you can swear, curse, hit me, whatever you want. But the worse you can do, is make me eat my words back - when I haven't even exactly said those words. I hate it, yes, I loathe it absolutely, when you hurl false accusations at me. Few months ago, you told 'L' you were aware of what I did because I had told you previously. After 'L' spoke to you, you confronted me and insisted that I did not tell you what I did. I already didn't understand the 2 heads of one snake then. You were obviously not paying attention to me and you turned your inattentiveness into a reason to side with 'L', or I think, more for protecting your bloody ego.

Then now, you rant at me over the line, and bring up a historical issue which have no relevance to the boiling discussion whatsoever, and still say that I did not tell you about the incident. And please scroll up to read the bold words, I DID TELL YOU.

That is the thing that hurt the most, you know? You just keep hurting me even when you declare our love is over.

I was on the train, carrying my bag, hugging my laptop to my chest. Standing in the exact same position for 7 stops, several droplets of tears had fallen to the floor of the train during my journey. Breathing in my sobs every few seconds, I felt like I couldn't breathe properly anymore. Everything in front of me was a mere blur, as if to provide a momentary comfort, to blind me from how evil the world can be. Perhaps the commuters in the train knew I was crying, but acted like nothing happened. I thought it to be this way, and the best way as well.

A woman, who was initially standing in front of me, took a seat in front of me and immediately passed me 2 pieces of tissue. I was utterly embarrassed, but this was not enough to stop my tears. I got down after 2 stops, and realised my left vision was blurred. I didn't stop crying. There was this huge pain in my left eye, and I concluded my contact lens must have gone out of position and was rolling all over my eyeball as I cried. I still didn't stop crying.

I braved myself to remove the lens out of my eyes in the toilet. Gross. Both of my eyes were already congested with red veins still busily networking to recover from a prior shock in the nervous system. I travelled home via bus, one eye blind, and the one, not in very good shape either.

Now you know what caused my swollen eye. When I reached home, the same thing happened to my right eye. Yes, the lens refused to detach from the iris and went travelling over the rest of my eyeball. One stupid phone call brings a whole series of unfortunate events. Shouldn't have picked up that call, if you ask me right now.

I refused to speak for 1 hour when I got home. Daddy was on the verge of tears and wanted to bring me to hospital, Mummy kept hounding me with questions I didn't want to answer. I lay on the cold floor of my room, my tears on the floor, stuck in my hair, smeared over my face and fingers, and the tears wouldn't stop.

I don't understand myself how a nasty phone call could have led to all these. But I know for sure the intensity of hurt and anger is still a stone's throw away. I find myself crying more often recently. This must be one of the down areas in the bell curve of my life.

The Holy Father took my hand when I reached for His, and that is all I need in my life.