happy birthday to me
Saturday, November 14, 2009
23. i hate all numbers exceeding 21, seriously.
damn all your birthday promises and wishes.
i don't know how i didn't manage to throw myself on the highway to meet a quick death. or choke to death from an overdose of medicine.
you give me so much pain, and i will never be able to forgive you.
beneath all the smiles, so still lie the terror and wretchedness you so sparingly provided to me.
i really want to stop crying for your callousness, but i can't.
because there's still the love and anamnesis in my splintered heart.
i can't breathe. breathing needs a tremendous amount of effort, now.
when i relate our pleasant memories to my friends and mouth your name, the effort to brace up to the new reality has to come with another effort to block the tears from entering my sockets.
now i understand fully how she must have felt at the time, even though the tables are turned. messages never exceeding six words at one time.
it is like someone dying. someone leaving your life. someone said to pretend to hate and let go, but it is an impossible task. i never hated anything about you; i just got exhausted from all the negative emotions.
wishes that fell, i have no heart to pick them up and rebuild pieces of my pathetic life all over again.
bruises on my limbs, their colours never change because feelings are choking up the red streams.
eyes that are permanently swollen, i sob day and night.
when i relate our pleasant memories to my friends and mouth your name, the effort to brace up to the new reality has to come with another effort to block the tears from entering my sockets.
now i understand fully how she must have felt at the time, even though the tables are turned. messages never exceeding six words at one time.
it is like someone dying. someone leaving your life. someone said to pretend to hate and let go, but it is an impossible task. i never hated anything about you; i just got exhausted from all the negative emotions.
wishes that fell, i have no heart to pick them up and rebuild pieces of my pathetic life all over again.
bruises on my limbs, their colours never change because feelings are choking up the red streams.
eyes that are permanently swollen, i sob day and night.
seeking exit out of pain
i was brave enough to say this was the end, but i fought hard before it rained hard on me, that it was really the end, our end.
over dinner, i wanted so much to grab your shoulders, and remind you of my love, and beg that you won't hurt me like that anymore. such a scene was so disturbingly familiar; i was too aware that i wouldn't derive a different outcome, hence i shouldn't set myself up for another grieving session alone under my pillow.
i wanted this to be a peaceful parting, not a bitter exhibition of emotions when i walk out of your life for the betterment of your life.
how long ago have you stepped one foot outside my window, just to make sure that i was still alive and breathing?
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Okay, I realized I haven't updated for 6 months. School's been insane, my tuition kid is driving me up the wall, I'm not getting enough rest. And I'm blogging now when my first examination is tomorrow, so cut me some slack please!
YEAH!!! I got my Signature Zoe!! I know Coach belongs to an "accessible luxury" segment, but it's the most I can afford for now, as a starving undergraduate. You see, I need to wait another 10 years before getting my GUCCI bag, so let me make do with this cheaper thing for now.
And alas, I found out through Google I didn't buy exactly what I really wanted. I wanted the Coach Carly. I don't know why I didn't have the logical thought to search Google Images instead of browsing through the Coach official website. I feel a bit sad, because I really like the deep vintage red straps and slouchy shape of Carly. So now I need to comfort myself that they don't have excess stock of Carly so Zoe is still a BRILLIANT choice!
The first thing I am going to do after the damned exams is to write to Tiffany Yo, Perryn Khoo and Jasmine Neubronner. I can take up to 2 hours to write one email, and I really need to be in the right frame of mind to organize my thoughts concisely.
And when this Monday starts, I'm going to be a tiny part of Tuas for 4 months. My social life is going to be locked down by 4 hours of travelling to-and-fro daily. Here is how my new schedule works:
I knock off at 6pm.
It's a 20 min bus ride to Boon Lay interchange (and 15 min of waiting for the one and only bus service).
At earliest, I'll reach Boon Lay MRT at 6.45pm.
At earliest, I'll reach Tampines MRT at 8.15pm.
It's a 10 min bus ride back home (and 15 min of waiting for the bus services).
I'll probably bathe at 9.00pm, and be done within 15 min (not inclusive of blow drying my hair).
So long I am in bed by 10.00pm, I am guaranteed 8 hours of sleep when I wake up at 5.45am.
Sounds soooooooooooooooo fun right! This means even if I meet my friends in town, on weekdays after work, I can only see them for 1.5 hours before I need to catch the train back to Tampines.
You thinking about weekends? I'm tutoring my kid on Friday evenings (yes, after 2 hours of travelling) and Sunday noons. Leaves Saturday exclusively for me. And I just realized the "GET YOUR SEXY BACK" campaign runs its events on some SATURDAYS.
AWESOMEEEEEEEE. So I'm gonna party on Saturdays like no one's business. And the best part? I'm missing TWO days of school because of my internship. So no proper day of rest even before my last semester begins.
I AM COOL WITH THIS OK, and you need to encourage me to keep my chin up, like what Kelly always says. This is my dream internship since 16, so I really want to make the best of it.
YEAH!!! I got my Signature Zoe!! I know Coach belongs to an "accessible luxury" segment, but it's the most I can afford for now, as a starving undergraduate. You see, I need to wait another 10 years before getting my GUCCI bag, so let me make do with this cheaper thing for now.
And alas, I found out through Google I didn't buy exactly what I really wanted. I wanted the Coach Carly. I don't know why I didn't have the logical thought to search Google Images instead of browsing through the Coach official website. I feel a bit sad, because I really like the deep vintage red straps and slouchy shape of Carly. So now I need to comfort myself that they don't have excess stock of Carly so Zoe is still a BRILLIANT choice!
The first thing I am going to do after the damned exams is to write to Tiffany Yo, Perryn Khoo and Jasmine Neubronner. I can take up to 2 hours to write one email, and I really need to be in the right frame of mind to organize my thoughts concisely.
And when this Monday starts, I'm going to be a tiny part of Tuas for 4 months. My social life is going to be locked down by 4 hours of travelling to-and-fro daily. Here is how my new schedule works:
I knock off at 6pm.
It's a 20 min bus ride to Boon Lay interchange (and 15 min of waiting for the one and only bus service).
At earliest, I'll reach Boon Lay MRT at 6.45pm.
At earliest, I'll reach Tampines MRT at 8.15pm.
It's a 10 min bus ride back home (and 15 min of waiting for the bus services).
I'll probably bathe at 9.00pm, and be done within 15 min (not inclusive of blow drying my hair).
So long I am in bed by 10.00pm, I am guaranteed 8 hours of sleep when I wake up at 5.45am.
Sounds soooooooooooooooo fun right! This means even if I meet my friends in town, on weekdays after work, I can only see them for 1.5 hours before I need to catch the train back to Tampines.
You thinking about weekends? I'm tutoring my kid on Friday evenings (yes, after 2 hours of travelling) and Sunday noons. Leaves Saturday exclusively for me. And I just realized the "GET YOUR SEXY BACK" campaign runs its events on some SATURDAYS.
AWESOMEEEEEEEE. So I'm gonna party on Saturdays like no one's business. And the best part? I'm missing TWO days of school because of my internship. So no proper day of rest even before my last semester begins.
I AM COOL WITH THIS OK, and you need to encourage me to keep my chin up, like what Kelly always says. This is my dream internship since 16, so I really want to make the best of it.
some goodies!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
My sister was the first to give me my birthday present! This pair of really, really exquisite earrings (creator only makes one pair per design) was ordered from oriental-rose.blogspot.com! They may seem dainty, but the gold plating and the swaroski crystals are big weights on the hefty price. Not as expensive as diamond studs, but they are the first earrings that really made me feel so special, like a princess!
And she got me this 2009 Disney Princess calendar from Borders! Freeeeeaaking $29.95 can? I am going to hang it on my wall FOREVER.
I showed off to Dad and Mum immediately and Mum said I was childish. WHATEVER. Girls cannot have PRINCESS DREAMS mehz?
And then, Ru rushed to HCM lesson to give me SIMS 2 UNIVERSITY! Yeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Thank you so much my dears Ru, Liang, Chris and Gaston! I asked Ru if she wanted me to fail my exams by giving me this on Week 13, two weeks before my 1st paper.
I only opened the pack 2 days ago, frankly. I was disheartened to open it immediately because my PC's graphic card is burning from my Sims 2 Nightlife & Celebration Stuff already, and I also need more RAM to prevent lagging screens! So I didn't want to get myself excited before I get new stuff to make my PC more powerful, for SIMS of course!
And I got my only-in-my-dreams Escada Moonsparkle! Pris told me they had stopped producing the line to make the perfume exclusive so I had already given up hope.
I FUCKING FORGOT to bring my PENCIL CASE for my BP exam today. Can you believe it?
Ru was so shocked she said twice, "YOU NEVER BRING YOUR PENCIL CASE?!!!!!?? HUHHHHHHHHHHHH??!!!"
I borrowed a pencil and pen from her before running to Gaston the Stationery Daddy with the ENORMOUS quiksilver pencil case in hope of an extra eraser and liquid paper. HARD LUCK OF COURSE.
If I can even pass, I'll laugh all my teeth out for you to see.
More pictures of Pear and Diva but I got another paper on Monday so ttfn.
And she got me this 2009 Disney Princess calendar from Borders! Freeeeeaaking $29.95 can? I am going to hang it on my wall FOREVER.
I showed off to Dad and Mum immediately and Mum said I was childish. WHATEVER. Girls cannot have PRINCESS DREAMS mehz?
And then, Ru rushed to HCM lesson to give me SIMS 2 UNIVERSITY! Yeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Thank you so much my dears Ru, Liang, Chris and Gaston! I asked Ru if she wanted me to fail my exams by giving me this on Week 13, two weeks before my 1st paper.
I only opened the pack 2 days ago, frankly. I was disheartened to open it immediately because my PC's graphic card is burning from my Sims 2 Nightlife & Celebration Stuff already, and I also need more RAM to prevent lagging screens! So I didn't want to get myself excited before I get new stuff to make my PC more powerful, for SIMS of course!
And I got my only-in-my-dreams Escada Moonsparkle! Pris told me they had stopped producing the line to make the perfume exclusive so I had already given up hope.
I FUCKING FORGOT to bring my PENCIL CASE for my BP exam today. Can you believe it?
Ru was so shocked she said twice, "YOU NEVER BRING YOUR PENCIL CASE?!!!!!?? HUHHHHHHHHHHHH??!!!"
I borrowed a pencil and pen from her before running to Gaston the Stationery Daddy with the ENORMOUS quiksilver pencil case in hope of an extra eraser and liquid paper. HARD LUCK OF COURSE.
If I can even pass, I'll laugh all my teeth out for you to see.
More pictures of Pear and Diva but I got another paper on Monday so ttfn.
Birthday Surprises that made me wanna Cry
On 10th November evening we were supposed to have our HCM meeting at school. I was uber bored because I had a Mandarin meeting before that, and it was a no-lesson day for me. Earlier in the afternoon I saw Bezae holding a BreadTalk plastic bag from afar and I was thinking this guy really loves bread man. He always brings a tuppleware of sandwiches to class on Thursday mornings.
When I saw him coming to the bench holding the BreadTalk plastic bag, Jasmine ran to him and both of them started talking behind the pillar and I couldn't really see them. So I got out of my bench to talk to Bezae, "HEY IS THAT DONUTS FOR ME? WHY YOU NEVER BUY DONUTS FOR ME? I WANNA EATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"
Jasmine stared at me oddly, and she walked away looking kinda pissed. I was like, did I do or say something wrong?
So I looked back at Bezae and realized he was holding a small cake box, and he had this really really awful sour look on his face.
I had ruined my own surprise. (as usual every year i do the same thing to all my folks i wonder why they still wanna crack their brains man)
But I was so happy! I never expected this from them, not from project mates!
Bezae didn't make sure the box was upright and so the chocolate mousse toppled over the side of the box. He tore the side of the box and told me to eat the cake using that as a "fork". I had two small mouthfuls before continuing with the meeting, and Bezae gobbled the rest up while Jasmine and I were hard at work.
No wonder Jasmine was getting more pissed off with him. But it's okay we share the love and the cake (and the calories).
30 mins later I heard a stupid car horn and I didn't care less because I was so focussed on my discssion. This guy just came behind me in the midst of our discussion, called my name and passed me 1/2 dozen of J.Co. donuts!
Seriously I got a shock man because he appeared out of a sudden, but I was REALLY REALLY happy this time because I was craving for donuts so badly (and BJ already ate up my tiny cake). And then I saw Daryl's face peeping curiously with his nose pressed on the car window. Yes he was looking at Jasmine. Wth.
Bezae is so gay! He chose a donut with white icing!?! I thought only girls liked icing! See he eat until like that, like specky old man, haha.
Here's all my HCM group members. And Professor Thomas Menkhoff. He is a slack professor so I like him (so superifical of me rite).
Jasmine looks so cute here with her arms reaching out! And Ian can't smile for nut's sake.
Miss Grote is 2nd from right and she speaks so fast I don't understand what she is saying after asking her to repeat 3 times so I give up 90% of the time.
As some of you may know I took up a module called "Doing Business in China". We have to submit our assignments in Mandarin, discuss in class in Mandarin, and present in Mandarin. All these of course googling in Mandarin and blowing up the words on the screen to make out what they are in the course of research.
And Zheng Fu (we like to call her miss government) planned another birthday surprise on the actual day of my birthday! Because we had to stay back late in school for a rehearsal.
I left school at 11.30pm.in 1/2 an hours' time, it was not my birthday anymore and I had to present in Mandarin without a freaking script for the first time in my life.
Guess who is Ha Ha. Yes my friend's name is called Wu Haha. She doesn't like the name her grandfather gave her (FOR OBVIOUS REASONS), but we think it's verrryyyy amusing.
Ha Ha is the 1st girl from the left! Look whose picture Zheng Fu is holding!!
DENG XIAOPING!!! OMG!!
Thank you everybody for making that week so special for me! I was really surprised and touched by all that spontaneity. I love all of you very much!!
When I saw him coming to the bench holding the BreadTalk plastic bag, Jasmine ran to him and both of them started talking behind the pillar and I couldn't really see them. So I got out of my bench to talk to Bezae, "HEY IS THAT DONUTS FOR ME? WHY YOU NEVER BUY DONUTS FOR ME? I WANNA EATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"
Jasmine stared at me oddly, and she walked away looking kinda pissed. I was like, did I do or say something wrong?
So I looked back at Bezae and realized he was holding a small cake box, and he had this really really awful sour look on his face.
I had ruined my own surprise. (as usual every year i do the same thing to all my folks i wonder why they still wanna crack their brains man)
But I was so happy! I never expected this from them, not from project mates!
Bezae didn't make sure the box was upright and so the chocolate mousse toppled over the side of the box. He tore the side of the box and told me to eat the cake using that as a "fork". I had two small mouthfuls before continuing with the meeting, and Bezae gobbled the rest up while Jasmine and I were hard at work.
No wonder Jasmine was getting more pissed off with him. But it's okay we share the love and the cake (and the calories).
30 mins later I heard a stupid car horn and I didn't care less because I was so focussed on my discssion. This guy just came behind me in the midst of our discussion, called my name and passed me 1/2 dozen of J.Co. donuts!
Seriously I got a shock man because he appeared out of a sudden, but I was REALLY REALLY happy this time because I was craving for donuts so badly (and BJ already ate up my tiny cake). And then I saw Daryl's face peeping curiously with his nose pressed on the car window. Yes he was looking at Jasmine. Wth.
Bezae is so gay! He chose a donut with white icing!?! I thought only girls liked icing! See he eat until like that, like specky old man, haha.
Here's all my HCM group members. And Professor Thomas Menkhoff. He is a slack professor so I like him (so superifical of me rite).
Jasmine looks so cute here with her arms reaching out! And Ian can't smile for nut's sake.
Miss Grote is 2nd from right and she speaks so fast I don't understand what she is saying after asking her to repeat 3 times so I give up 90% of the time.
As some of you may know I took up a module called "Doing Business in China". We have to submit our assignments in Mandarin, discuss in class in Mandarin, and present in Mandarin. All these of course googling in Mandarin and blowing up the words on the screen to make out what they are in the course of research.
And Zheng Fu (we like to call her miss government) planned another birthday surprise on the actual day of my birthday! Because we had to stay back late in school for a rehearsal.
I left school at 11.30pm.in 1/2 an hours' time, it was not my birthday anymore and I had to present in Mandarin without a freaking script for the first time in my life.
Guess who is Ha Ha. Yes my friend's name is called Wu Haha. She doesn't like the name her grandfather gave her (FOR OBVIOUS REASONS), but we think it's verrryyyy amusing.
Ha Ha is the 1st girl from the left! Look whose picture Zheng Fu is holding!!
DENG XIAOPING!!! OMG!!
Thank you everybody for making that week so special for me! I was really surprised and touched by all that spontaneity. I love all of you very much!!
november cakes
Thursday, November 20, 2008
happy birthday to JIE JIE & ME!! my sister's birthday is one week after mine!
my jie jie bought me many mini cakes, but my parents gobbled all of it up, i ate only two pieces! sad story!
and i surprised my sister with PRETTY PWEETY CUPCAKES!
i like, she like, EVERYONE LIKE!
YUM YUM! I WANNA EAT AT CANELE ASAP!
my jie jie bought me many mini cakes, but my parents gobbled all of it up, i ate only two pieces! sad story!
and i surprised my sister with PRETTY PWEETY CUPCAKES!
i like, she like, EVERYONE LIKE!
YUM YUM! I WANNA EAT AT CANELE ASAP!
my balloon party
After learning some basic balloon sculpting for a community project at KK Hospital's Children Wards, I decided to further hone my skills through a popular master - YOUTUBE.
But this would not have been possible if I was afraid of the awful sounds of bursting rubber.
Here are my proud creations!
There are about 3 different ways to make a 6 petal flower, but I only learned one method, and this method results in swollen hands and fingers.
The caterpillar is relatively easy to make, despite its seemingly complicated structure.
More pretty flowers!
I made a lot for my sister! Flower, dog, bird, rabbit, caterpillar.
I am seriously considering to take up advanced courses in balloon sculpting. I wanna learn how to make Elmo, Hello Kitty, Tweety Bird kind.
But then I realize if I don't touch my balloons after a while, I actually scream at the popping sound! And yes I believe I can no longer manager my cuticles.
birthday blues
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Happy 22nd birthday to me! I'm spending my birthday in front of my beloved HP Pavilion Desktop PC watching Fan Gun Ba, Dan Chao Fan!
And in the next 12 hours, I'll be spending the rest of my birthday in school - dressed to kill, my Dutch professor of course. Or rather, he'll murder me instead during the 40 min presentation. And thereafter I need to stay back in the evening to rehearse for my Mandarin presentation on Thursday afternoon. ULTIMATE BUMMER. Birthday and Week 13 blues.
Thank you for the SMS-es! I already ruined my 1st surprise yesterday, and Bezae gobbled up my surprise at a go with angry glares from Jasmine. Lovely someone turned up right behind my back with 1/2 dozen of my favourite J CO. donuts!
Later I'm going to surprise another two people instead! But I don't expect any more surprises for the rest of the week because I need to calm down for my Business Processes exam. FREAK.
Can't I have a tiny little break (from damned school) to enjoy some chocolate cake and ice-cream?
Friday, November 07, 2008
I lost a friend, but I understand why she's half-hearted about getting close to me. My heart is filled with anger because I don't deserve this, yet I know everything happens for a (good) reason, and God has his own wonderful ways of making me learn about the world.
By the grace of Lord, he put two friends right in front of me, at the beginning of the school term. I was blinded to see at first, but slowly I realized they could mean a lot to me.
I love Jasmine T. Neubronner and Bezae John Yeo.
I need to look further, and see that there is still some glimpse of hope in my life. Maybe, I am now 99% liability (as opposed to 110%) to the people around me.
By the grace of Lord, he put two friends right in front of me, at the beginning of the school term. I was blinded to see at first, but slowly I realized they could mean a lot to me.
I love Jasmine T. Neubronner and Bezae John Yeo.
I need to look further, and see that there is still some glimpse of hope in my life. Maybe, I am now 99% liability (as opposed to 110%) to the people around me.
www.photofunia.com
Monday, November 03, 2008
OMG. This is damn cool. My face is on Beckam's abs!
Per and Pris are on some Minnesota daily!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
I keep pushing my threshold of tolerating bullshit from people, who think I can be a damned sucker constantly giving in to them.
If you know me, you know I can be extremely selective about who I want to be nice to, and if you're not on that list, it either means I think you're a total bitch/jerk, or that you've done something to piss me off real bad.
I am, and I can be very capable of hurting you if you do not fucking wake up your lazy ideologies.
If you know me, you know I can be extremely selective about who I want to be nice to, and if you're not on that list, it either means I think you're a total bitch/jerk, or that you've done something to piss me off real bad.
I am, and I can be very capable of hurting you if you do not fucking wake up your lazy ideologies.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
alvy says i should go out, have some fun, stop thinking about things, so i can heal faster. and i really want to. but how do i get the fucking time? i really hate school now. it's as good as entering the real corporate world of politics. can't believe how badly i wanted to enter SMU and begged my mother 3 years ago.
if i had gone to work after getting my diploma, i wouldn't meet with so much shit, wouldn't bring stress to my mother, wouldn't be pulling my hair out over my meals, wouldn't force myself to give up shopping for several months, wouldn't make uninformed choices. and wouldn't be judged by my own opinion by Caucasians and smart asses.
i know i am not a bright spark, im nowhere near an average IQ as well. but i work very very hard, and life has already dealt its cards with me.
the only thing is that i know God will not give me more than i can take, but so what, being stronger doesn't mean i will not fall down the next time. i won't even let a next time happen.
if i had gone to work after getting my diploma, i wouldn't meet with so much shit, wouldn't bring stress to my mother, wouldn't be pulling my hair out over my meals, wouldn't force myself to give up shopping for several months, wouldn't make uninformed choices. and wouldn't be judged by my own opinion by Caucasians and smart asses.
i know i am not a bright spark, im nowhere near an average IQ as well. but i work very very hard, and life has already dealt its cards with me.
the only thing is that i know God will not give me more than i can take, but so what, being stronger doesn't mean i will not fall down the next time. i won't even let a next time happen.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
somehow, i don't talk as much anymore. i am not a fan of sms-ing on my lousy SE W610i, but seems like i have no other way or be a complete social alien.
perhaps i'm sick of letting people know the same old story, perhaps i lost a great deal of confidence in whatever i do, perhaps i have really changed a little within.
i don't organize my to-do list anymore. i don't do my work promptly. my work desk is in a mess of eraser dust, highlighters, post-it notes, files, notes, rough paper, and more notes.
while i feel like im burning out, i turn to red bull. when red bull starts tasting like spoiled cough syrup, i put on my ankle socks and wear my mother's badminton shoes (none of us own proper running shoes). i run a few miserly rounds in the neighbourhood park before doing 100 skipping sets. twists and turns, left to right, right to left, must be done whenever i am free. and 50 sets of thigh flexing before i head to bed.
if not for these, i wouldn't be able to stay up till 3am to do my work. amazing. i hated exercise. yeah i might look a little odd now, but i think i'll look fat again when the holiday comes. i feel like eating a nice buffet on my birthday!
i am dating my sims 2 nightlife at least twice a day.
i am building up a plot for an elderly gothic old witch to be bitten by a vampire (can be accomplished by a cheat but that's too boring). i am building up a korean superstar's career to reach the peak of his career at the young age of 22 sim days old. in the midst of all these, a lot of woo hooing is a must or there will not be enough friends to meet career advancement criteria.
you can woo hoo everywhere, in the photo booth, hot tub, car, bed. i just wanna keep my sims happy.
oops project meeting at 9.30am tomorrow and it's 3.20am now. bu-bye and i'll see ya on PET SOCIETY!
perhaps i'm sick of letting people know the same old story, perhaps i lost a great deal of confidence in whatever i do, perhaps i have really changed a little within.
i don't organize my to-do list anymore. i don't do my work promptly. my work desk is in a mess of eraser dust, highlighters, post-it notes, files, notes, rough paper, and more notes.
while i feel like im burning out, i turn to red bull. when red bull starts tasting like spoiled cough syrup, i put on my ankle socks and wear my mother's badminton shoes (none of us own proper running shoes). i run a few miserly rounds in the neighbourhood park before doing 100 skipping sets. twists and turns, left to right, right to left, must be done whenever i am free. and 50 sets of thigh flexing before i head to bed.
if not for these, i wouldn't be able to stay up till 3am to do my work. amazing. i hated exercise. yeah i might look a little odd now, but i think i'll look fat again when the holiday comes. i feel like eating a nice buffet on my birthday!
i am dating my sims 2 nightlife at least twice a day.
i am building up a plot for an elderly gothic old witch to be bitten by a vampire (can be accomplished by a cheat but that's too boring). i am building up a korean superstar's career to reach the peak of his career at the young age of 22 sim days old. in the midst of all these, a lot of woo hooing is a must or there will not be enough friends to meet career advancement criteria.
you can woo hoo everywhere, in the photo booth, hot tub, car, bed. i just wanna keep my sims happy.
oops project meeting at 9.30am tomorrow and it's 3.20am now. bu-bye and i'll see ya on PET SOCIETY!
lies
Sunday, October 12, 2008
everything i ever knew were lies and fabricated stories to make me sad, to protect me, to make me realize how selfish i was.
the head does not want to do what the heart wants to seek.
the head does not want to do what the heart wants to seek.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
my favourite forever 21 vintage double necklace broke while I was crossing the road to school on Monday noon.
the green man was blinking, the timer was counting down, but i stopped mid way to pick up the gold pendant . i couldn't find the montana oval piece on the road. as i stepped up on the pavement, i heard the cars and bikes roar their engines, and noticed how the black tyres rolled furiously over the dusty road. no way back. i stared at the road for quite a while, trying to look out for what i lost.
how did it separate from the pendant? time didn't give me a chance to find the missing piece.
i am not a superstitious person, but even i had a gut feeling this was something bad. i lost something really important to me, and maybe, i lost someone, for good. shattered on the road, broken in my world.
this was a preceding event to what i experienced in the later evening. God had his way to tell me. i wanted to say my final goodbye to everyone and find my pretty Sunshine.
i realized my blouses were getting bigger. i could hook another buckle hole. my tights were close to skinnies instead. my hip bone would be prone to knocking the corner of the table again.
actually the best and fastest way to lose weight is go through a break up, without giving up good food or exercising intensively because you just lose your appetite.
i lost 2 kg in a week. Cenosis didn't even give me my money worth 3 years ago.
but then u also risk your system breaking down on you and surviving on a drip and needle.
you cry, and take more away from your body.
you think, and take more away from your brain.
you sleep, but you're as good as half dead.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
this kind of love hurts way too bad. you think, time heals, but i think time only serves to hurt me further. your words are like shiny knives poking and scrapping off the veins out of my limbs, my heart pounds faster and faster, and the pain still cannot compare to what you actually did.
the thin white bandages can't hide the crimson seeping out, the wounds take long to heal.
i am not convinced of my conviction. but i have no other way. why, you. but i still care so much.
the thin white bandages can't hide the crimson seeping out, the wounds take long to heal.
i am not convinced of my conviction. but i have no other way. why, you. but i still care so much.
Friday, October 03, 2008
And I still cry so easily. Those waves won't leave me easily. Everyday, I will be reminded of what you did, every week I will evaluate my self-worth, every song tells of a love gone so wrong.
Perhaps out of two one ought to be happy, to balance things out.
Perhaps out of two one ought to be happy, to balance things out.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Time: 7.44pm.
Supposed: The Box at Sweeney Todd screening
Coerced: Li Ka Shing Library
Activity: Mugging Business Processes OPIM201
Mood: Terrible. Upset.
Unintended: Helping a Minnesota student called Lucas with BP.
Mood: Weird. (i thought the gold haired ones were way smarter than me)
Can I really take in all that hurt? I asked Shar if I could stand up ever, again. I asked the Lord to give me strength, and I remembered I asked many times. I wonder if he ever heard me through my anguish. Ru stroked my hands countless times ever since we studied in the university. She must have known about my pain, because now her strokes are much gentler and her eyes turn soft upon looking at me.
I think people saw my facebook statuses. They probably wanted to say more than hello, but I didn't give them the chance. I look at the many couples on the train, in campus, on the bus, I wonder if they're happy. I wonder what would they do in my situation. And I can't find any comforting answer.
Is there something wrong with me? Is it my errorneous judgement, or is it the human heart's tendency to be fickle towards novelty?
Maybe, I'll take so much longer. Maybe forever, this time. I am challenging my level of tolerance.
Where can I find what I need? How can I dilute the intensity in my heart? Do I really care about the answer since life is going to be like that, anyway.