Why does the scenario of my head bleeding replays so many times, why do I keep sitting on the ledge of the 13th floor shaking my naked legs, and why as I fall through the air I don't even shed a tear, but it is only when the skull and bones are crushed then I cry?
Why do I still cling on to false hope when he has already walked on, so far, so fast? I cannot take this anymore. Every second I'm awake, every moment I'm asleep, death is hot on my heels, but I do not want to see any of my folks cry over me anymore. They have weeped far too much the previous time I was in hospital.
Everywhere I go, everything I do, I see you only. How do you ever erase that kind of memory completely? I managed to do it last time, last times, but this time, I am totally defeated. Will you even drop a tear when I'm gone? And when I'm gone, will Mummy and Papa be happier? For all your friendship, thank you, thank you very much. I'm thinking of saying goodbye in advance, just in case the ability to cope with the pain is less than the amount of pain felt.
